The Three Ways We Parent — And How Each One Strengthens Connection With Our Teens

As parents, most of us spend a lot of time wondering whether we’re doing this whole thing “right.” We compare, self-correct and second-guess, But here’s the truth: There isn’t one “right” way to parent. There’s only your way — grounded in your natural gifts, and influenced by how you process the world. Through years of coaching parents of teens and young adults, I’ve found that most parents fall into one of three broad patterns: Parenting from action Parenting from feelings Parenting from thinking Each style brings strengths that deepen connection and support adolescent development. Each also has predictable challenges — especially when stress takes over. Your goal isn’t to change your parenting style. Your goal is to understand it, celebrate it, and learn how to regulate yourself so communication with your adolescent stays open and effective. Let’s explore each style. 1. The Action-Oriented Parent These are the parents who get a gut feeling . They feel a pull toward doing something — stepping in, fixing, deciding, moving. When faced with a challenge, their instinctive question is: “What should I do about this?” Your Gifts Action-oriented parents create authentic connection by teaching: Independence Self-respect Responsibility and follow-through A sense of safety and protection Your style communicates: “I’ve got you. I can handle hard things. I am steady, decisive, and loyal.” When Stress Shows Up Under pressure, you may: Act too quickly Become critical or anxious Withdraw emotionally Build walls instead of bridges These reactions unintentionally push your adolescent away, even though connection is what you want most. A Reset Tool for You When you feel yourself tightening or reacting: Tell your teen you need a short break. Then spend 30 minutes doing something that replenishes you. Return afterward with clearer energy — and reconnect. Bonus: If there’s an activity you both enjoy, invite them to join. 2. The Feeling-Centered Parent This group leads with the heart. They ask: “How do I feel about this? How does this make my child feel? How might others feel?” Your internal emotional radar is powerful — and your teen feels it. Your Gifts Feeling-centered parents naturally teach: Unconditional love Emotional attunement Vulnerability Empathy How to meet life’s moments with presence Your teen learns that emotions matter and relationships are worth tending. When Stress Shows Up When overwhelmed, you may: Become overly self-critical Assert authority or control to regain stability Slip into passive-aggressive communication These patterns create distance even though your heart is seeking closeness. A Reset Tool for You Write down what you are feeling — without judgment. Then identify one small action that authentically honors that feeling. Bonus: Ask your teen to help you take that step. It models regulated emotions and builds connection. 3. The Thinking-Based Parent These parents meet challenges with questions like: “What do I think about this? What does it mean? What could go wrong?” Your mind organizes, analyzes, anticipates — all in service of protecting and preparing your teen. Your Gifts Thinking-based parents help adolescents: Develop strong problem-solving skills Consider multiple perspectives Express creativity Understand logic, options, and consequences You communicate: “You are capable. Your thoughts matter. We can figure this out together.” When Stress Shows Up When overwhelmed, you may: Bounce rapidly between tasks Change expectations without explaining Disrupt routines Overthink instead of connecting This creates confusion for your teen, who may feel uncertain about what to prioritze. A Reset Tool for You Move out of your head and into your body. Try: Box breathing Gentle stretching A short walk Bonus: Invite your teen along. No talking needed Understanding Your Style Changes Everything Self-awareness is the foundation for calm, confident communication . When you understand your natural parenting pattern — and how stress shifts it — you become better equipped to stay grounded, connected, and effective. You don’t need to become a different kind of parent. You simply need a clearer map of who you already are. If you’d like a personalized, understanding of your parenting type in this phase of parenting — and tools tailored to your unique style — I’d love to support you. Get your full parenting map and begin transforming your communication today. Reach out to Coach Lonna at www.drlonnagordon.com .