"We Need to get on the Same Page"

We say things without thinking. "Let's circle back." "Let's take this offline." "Let's get on the same page." These phrases roll off our tongues so easily that we've stopped noticing what we actually mean when we say them – or more importantly, how people react when they hear them. "Let's get on the same page" might be the worst offender. It sounds collaborative, like an invitation to align together. But if you pay attention to what happens after you say it, you'll notice something telling: people's faces shift slightly, their shoulders tense, and they start nodding with just a bit too much enthusiasm. Because they know what's really coming. You're about to tell them they're doing it wrong. Here's the scenario you've lived through: You're in a meeting, discussing a project that seems to be veering off track. You say, "I think we need to get on the same page about this." Everyone nods. You explain your vision. More nodding. Meeting ends. Three people walk out with three completely different understandings of what they're supposed to do next. Two weeks later, you're frustrated because nobody is doing what you thought you all agreed on. Sound familiar? The problem isn't that your team is incompetent. The problem is that "getting on the same page" has become a one-way demand disguised as collaboration. Mindset Phase: The Question You Forgot to Ask Most leaders reach for "let's get on the same page" when they're frustrated. Someone isn't doing what they expected, or the work isn't progressing as envisioned. The phrase is essentially code for: "Stop doing the wrong thing and do what I want you to do." But here's what you're missing: Why aren't they on your page? What page are they actually on, and why did they choose that one? What are they seeing that you're not? Maybe they're doing something that seems off-track to you because they recognized something that needs to happen first. Maybe they have wisdom you haven't uncovered yet. The mindset trap is treating "same page" as a destination you can announce rather than a process you need to facilitate. You assume misalignment means someone is wrong, rather than getting curious about what they're thinking. You want people to fall in line without understanding why they're not already lined up. The healthier shift? Shared understanding is built through dialogue, not declared through phrases. Your job isn't to correct people onto your page – it's to understand their page first, then create a shared page together. Skillset Phase: Questions Before Declarations The most powerful thing you can do is replace your autopilot phrase with actual curiosity. Instead of "Let's get on the same page," try this sequence: First, ask questions. "Walk me through your thinking on this." "What are you seeing that I might be missing?" "Help me understand your approach." You're not interrogating – you're genuinely trying to understand what's happening in their mind. Then, listen fully and ask more. Don't just wait for your turn to correct them. Actually absorb what they're saying. Follow up: "What else do you think we should be considering?" "What would need to happen first?" "What concerns do you have about the direction?" Only then, explain your vision. And here's the key: your explanation should be informed by what you just learned. You might discover your original vision needed adjustment. You might realize they were already heading somewhere valuable. Or you might need to provide context they were missing. Either way, you're now having a real conversation instead of issuing a disguised directive. Watch for the resistance signals. Pay attention to how people react to your words. The too-quick agreement, the careful nodding, the lack of questions – these are signs that people heard your frustration, not your invitation to dialogue. When you see these signals, pause and ask: "I want to make sure we're really aligned here. What questions do you have?" or "What am I not asking that I should be?" Matchset Phase: Making It a Two-Way Street Here's where this gets interesting: creating shared understanding is a mutual responsibility, not just something leaders need to fix. If you're the leader: Track your question-to-statement ratio this week. Before you say "let's get on the same page" (or any variation), count to three and ask a question instead. Notice when you feel the urge to correct versus explore. Pay attention to how your team responds when you lead with curiosity versus declaration. If you're the team member: You have permission to ask for clarity. When your leader says "let's get on the same page," you can respond with: "I want to make sure I understand – can you help me see what you're envisioning?" or "Before we move forward, can I share what I'm working on and get your thoughts?" Don't just nod and hope you guessed right. Create mutual accountability: Make it an explicit team norm. "Before we declare we're aligned, let's make sure we've actually heard each other's perspectives." Whe