What Your Team Sees That You Don't

You walk out of a meeting feeling good. The presentation landed. The strategy made sense. You answered every question with confidence. But here's what you didn't see: The eye roll when you interrupted. The colleague who stopped contributing after you dismissed their idea. The shift in energy when your frustration leaked through — even though you thought you hid it. This isn't about being a bad leader. It's about being human. The Visibility Gap There's a fundamental asymmetry in leadership: your team experiences you differently than you experience yourself. You know your intentions. They only see your impact. You feel the pressure you're under. They only see how you respond to it. You remember the context behind your decisions. They only see the decisions. This gap isn't a character flaw. It's a structural reality. And the higher you rise, the wider it gets — because people filter what they tell you, soften their feedback, and assume you already know. Most of the time, you don't. What Shows Up Under Pressure Here's what I've learned from thousands of hours coaching leaders and debriefing assessments like Hogan: everyone has patterns that emerge under stress. Behaviors that feel normal to you but land differently on others. Maybe you get quiet when you're overwhelmed — and your team reads it as disappointment. Maybe you move fast when you're excited — and your team feels steamrolled. Maybe you ask a lot of questions when you're uncertain — and your team feels interrogated. These aren't flaws to fix. They're tendencies to understand. Because once you see them, you can work with them. The Question Behind the Feedback If you've ever received the same feedback more than once — from different people, in different contexts — pay attention. That's not coincidence. That's data. The feedback might be: "You're intimidating." Or "You don't seem approachable." Or "You move too fast." Or "You're hard to read." Whatever it is, there's usually a pattern underneath it. And that pattern is what your team sees that you don't. A Simple Exercise Try this: Think of three people who work closely with you. People who see you in action — in meetings, under pressure, when things go well and when they don't. Now ask yourself: • What do they probably experience when I'm stressed? • What might they hesitate to tell me? • If they were describing my leadership to someone else, what would they say — honestly? Don't filter. Don't defend. Just notice what comes up. If you're feeling brave, ask one of them directly: "What's one thing I do that might get in my way — that I might not see?" Then listen. Really listen. Not to respond. Just to understand. The Gift of Seeing Clearly Self-awareness isn't about fixing yourself. It's about seeing yourself — including the parts others see that you don't. That visibility is a gift. It's the foundation of trust. It's what allows you to lead with intention instead of accident. You don't have to change everything. But you do have to see it first. Because your team already does.