You Are More Powerful Than You Think You Are - The ABC Model

You are far more powerful than you realize. Every day, you carry within you the ability to shape your experiences, your relationships, and your inner world. But most of the time, that power gets buried under autopilot: the rushing, reacting, defending, overthinking, pleasing, avoiding, or shutting down. We forget that we have a choice. Especially when we’re triggered. Because in those moments, it doesn’t feel  like a choice. It feels automatic...like something takes over and we simply react. Maybe we get defensive, withdraw, raise our voice, collapse, or feel overwhelmed. And afterward, we wonder: “Why did I do that again?”“Why does this keep happening?” The truth is this: Your power begins the moment you become aware. Awareness: The First Step Back to Yourself Most of us move through life unconscious of what’s happening inside of us. We notice the argument, but not the tension rising in the body beforehand. We see the conflict, but not the fear or the story that created it. We feel the shame afterwards, but not the trigger that started it. But the moment you pause, and simply observe, you create a new possibility. Start by noticing: When do I feel triggered? What happens in my body in those moments? (Does my chest tighten, does my stomach drop, do my shoulders lift?) This is awareness. And awareness gives us back our agency. The Hardest Part: Being With the Uncomfortable Moments One of the biggest challenges for so many of us is that we struggle to sit in discomfort. We don’t like the feeling of tension, disharmony, or conflict. We don’t like feeling misunderstood. We don’t like feeling treated unfairly. We don’t like the tightness, the heat, the anxiety that rises in our body. So what do we do? We react. We explain. We defend. We argue. We fix. We shut down. We try to make the feeling go away  as quickly as possible. Many of our reactions aren’t actually about the situation, they’re about our intolerance for discomfort. We rush to respond because the silence feels unbearable. We argue because being misunderstood feels threatening. We push for immediate resolution because sitting in uncertainty feels too much. And from this place, this urgent, uncomfortable energy, we often create more  conflict, not less. The solution isn’t to react faster. It’s to build the capacity to be with  the uncomfortable moment. To breathe in it.To pause in it.To let the wave rise and fall without acting on it. Because in the pause - in that uncomfortable space - lies your strength. That’s where your nervous system recalibrates.That’s where clarity comes back online... and that’s where you gain the power to choose a calmer, wiser response. Learning to tolerate discomfort is emotional maturity. It’s self-leadership. It’s the foundation for healthy communication, boundaries, and connection. The Space Between Trigger and Reaction When you become aware that you're triggered, your next step is to create as much space as possible  between the moment something happens and your reaction to it. Again, this “space” is where your power lives. It might look like: Taking a deep breath Stepping outside for fresh air Grounding your feet on the floor Saying “Give me a moment” Pausing before you speak Placing your hand on your heart Doing nothing at all, just noticing Even a two-second pause can change the entire outcome. You don’t have to fall into the next drama, conflict, or argument. You don’t have to repeat the same cycle again and again. That tiny moment is where change begins. The ABC Model: Understanding What Happens Inside You The American psychologist Albert Ellis created the ABC Model , a simple but powerful way to understand what happens between a trigger and your reaction: A – Activating Event  (the trigger) B – Belief  (the interpretation or story you attach to the trigger) C – Consequence  (your emotional + behavioral reaction) Most people think A → C is automatic But what happens is: A → B → C There is always something happening in between , and that “B” is where your agency lives. Ellis explains that between the trigger and the reaction (C - Consequence) lies a gap. And within that gap is your entire potential. Because in that space, you get to choose what story you believe, how you want to show up, and what kind of life you want to create. You can observe the thoughts and emotions that arise…And then decide how you want to respond. This Is Your Power The moment you pause, even briefly, you interrupt the old pattern. And I know how hard this can be. I’ve been working on my own triggers a lot. From my experience, the very first step is simply noticing  that you are being triggered, acknowledging that it’s happening right now and observing yourself. You will still react and fall into old habits, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s a good sign. It means awareness is beginning to grow. When you notice afterward that you were triggered and slipped back into old behaviors, recognize it without ju